Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
