I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
