there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
