Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Drake has all the answers
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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