With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
