Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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