i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Your cock deserves a montage
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
