That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
