Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
