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I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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