youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
