Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
