My nipple is on Facebook.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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