So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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