The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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