I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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