Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize