Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
