yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
