please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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