last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
