he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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