I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
