Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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