haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i think my cat just said my name.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
