Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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