I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
