Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
