You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
