he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
