Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
