Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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