i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
