Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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