My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
