So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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