would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
