if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
