I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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