I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
bring money and cleavage
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
