Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
