Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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