chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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