Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
