Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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