yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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