covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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