Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
