She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
the raccoons are back...
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