I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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