Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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