My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Your penis caused this!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The ass gains better be worth it
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