if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
