Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
