I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
