so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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