I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
