He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
