Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
