Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
