I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
