:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
