I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
