Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Drunk is not a location!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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