I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
