I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
someone threw a dead crab at me
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
