1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
