Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
