i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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