After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
