I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
