why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
