i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
