I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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