Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
